Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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