Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
