I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
