There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
