and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
