New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
