You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
