Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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