i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
