i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
