What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
