guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
