EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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