We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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