so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
