we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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