guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
