4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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