So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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