I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Where is the hickey?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
