I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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