So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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