Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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