after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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