Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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