Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
