ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So apparently I’m into choking now
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