She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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