Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
