im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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