hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
