he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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