Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
