Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
