This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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