The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
