I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
