I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
