ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
