Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
