Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
