Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
