i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
