Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
