Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
