I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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