There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
