You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
