So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
