The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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