you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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