so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
