I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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