I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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