Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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