I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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