What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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