I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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