shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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