But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
