it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
