the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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