If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
