FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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