It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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