Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
