are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
