I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
