i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
