Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
