Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
